How real are feelings?
In NVC community we usually value feelings a lot. It is a major ingredient to every expression of empathy or honesty. And yet - we rarely question if our feelings are real?
What do I mean with real? Surely in any given moment we can go into ourselves and find a description of our feelings, but are they connected with reality, and what is going around of us? Or are they rather a product of our thoughts, history and heritage? Are they debatable or even changeable?
In NVC we communicate our feelings to share what is alive in us, to open up the emphatic space in our listener, to find a fertile ground for our needs and maybe requests. So I see why we do it, even more I judge it as very helpful when we want to get yourselves understood. At the same time a consciousness about whether my feelings arise from the present, or they are a shadow from the past, waiting in us to be digested, allows us to stay with our communication and communication partner in presence and make our conversations lighter, clearer and most of all more efficient.